Sunday, February 16, 2014
How Samoans Process Emotional Distress:
1. Act like it doesn't exist.
2. Pretend only other people get depressed.
3. Eat a big meal then another after it. Go to sleep, wake up, and do it again.
4. Eat from the minute your eyes open until they close. Keep a stash of favorite foods by or better yet, under, your bed. Be sure to clean away the empties every week.
5. Eat Ice Cream. Eat it from the container while reclining on your bed and watching TV.
6. Be sure and avoid green foods. Well mint ice cream is okay. But avoid all other green foods especially if they are uncooked.
7. Don't overdo exercise. It could cause heart failure. Performing some feats of strength on a monthly basis are sufficient to keep the Samoan physique in good shape. But only feats of strength using the powerful musculature that is the Samoan blessing to have by natural genetics. Anything aerobic should be saved for occasions of great personal danger, when running swiftly away is necessary. Don't worry that missing regular aerobic workouts has reduced the Samoan ability to run. Again, the natural powerful musculature of the Samoan leg will suffice.
8. Brain function...when a Samoan is emotionally distressed, it never helps to conserve energy and calm down. What is required is to throw an enormous tantrum of epic proportion such as smashing a new TV, or old one...the sound of smashing glass signifies progress towards annihilating the perceived threat. Then follows the need for nutrition again, repeating step #3. This cycle actually erases all brain memory of the original emotional trauma.
9. Humor. It is vital that the Samoan use his inborn gift of humor to minimize all emotional dis-stressors. (Please note, this may not work for other people....well it won't work for other peoples since they lack the mutant gene for weirdness that only true FOB's have...btw...the presence of this gene is confirmed by the density of muscle tissue along a person's shoulders, thighs and calves...oh and also, the feet are remarkably equipped to stomp out fires.)
10. Sense of rhythm. The Samoan may use his natural sense of rhythm, (sometimes referenced as gross motor skills by intellectual smartypants folks who don't have it) to avoid trouble. As in, for example...avoiding dealing with the realities of life such as heartbreak, mental breakdown, illness, unemployment, rejection, failing grades, by organizing a feast and dance night. (Again, the all important reference to nutrition therapy....)
2. Pretend only other people get depressed.
3. Eat a big meal then another after it. Go to sleep, wake up, and do it again.
4. Eat from the minute your eyes open until they close. Keep a stash of favorite foods by or better yet, under, your bed. Be sure to clean away the empties every week.
5. Eat Ice Cream. Eat it from the container while reclining on your bed and watching TV.
6. Be sure and avoid green foods. Well mint ice cream is okay. But avoid all other green foods especially if they are uncooked.
7. Don't overdo exercise. It could cause heart failure. Performing some feats of strength on a monthly basis are sufficient to keep the Samoan physique in good shape. But only feats of strength using the powerful musculature that is the Samoan blessing to have by natural genetics. Anything aerobic should be saved for occasions of great personal danger, when running swiftly away is necessary. Don't worry that missing regular aerobic workouts has reduced the Samoan ability to run. Again, the natural powerful musculature of the Samoan leg will suffice.
8. Brain function...when a Samoan is emotionally distressed, it never helps to conserve energy and calm down. What is required is to throw an enormous tantrum of epic proportion such as smashing a new TV, or old one...the sound of smashing glass signifies progress towards annihilating the perceived threat. Then follows the need for nutrition again, repeating step #3. This cycle actually erases all brain memory of the original emotional trauma.
9. Humor. It is vital that the Samoan use his inborn gift of humor to minimize all emotional dis-stressors. (Please note, this may not work for other people....well it won't work for other peoples since they lack the mutant gene for weirdness that only true FOB's have...btw...the presence of this gene is confirmed by the density of muscle tissue along a person's shoulders, thighs and calves...oh and also, the feet are remarkably equipped to stomp out fires.)
10. Sense of rhythm. The Samoan may use his natural sense of rhythm, (sometimes referenced as gross motor skills by intellectual smartypants folks who don't have it) to avoid trouble. As in, for example...avoiding dealing with the realities of life such as heartbreak, mental breakdown, illness, unemployment, rejection, failing grades, by organizing a feast and dance night. (Again, the all important reference to nutrition therapy....)
Valentine's 2014
Valentine Day 2014 started out with Brandon at work giving every girl a red rose. What a sweet boy. I really appreciated mine in the hubbub of the lab and the beautiful fragrance brightened up my day. My sister who just lost her husband cried because she wasn't expecting anything this year.Then I went to my spa appointment and came home kinda tired but knowing I had promised my friend Michelle that I would go to the Valentine Dance. So I lay down for a moment to psyche myself up to shower, do my hair and get rehabbed for the event. There was a knock at the door. It was Brother Paulin from the ward with four flags and poles. He asked me if my son Den had told me he had an assignment to put them in yards? I didn't know anything about it. There was snow on the ground and ice. But I took the flags, had Den call his dad for the van and off we went in the dark to place the flags. I know I got three right but the fourth might not be in the Kitchens' yard....oooooh. Anyways....I did all that with wet hair and a towel on my head. It was way cold!
I did make it to the dance....and what a beautiful sight. The stake couple had done a smacktacular job of decorating...looked like a wedding reception and the food smelt delish. Like real food not just cookies.
I settled in for some people watching...there were couches in the cultural hall...and some talk therapy with Michelle...then Mindy Morby's mom Naoma showed up. What a treat! It turned out to be a good night. A brother from Lee's Summit sat with us and bingo I had a dance partner for a few dances...so it was all good.
What I learned:
1. Smile and share happy thoughts.
2. Use your REAL self when sharing...sure you run the risk of someone thinking or saying..."weirdo" but if that's who you really are...it is what it is...better being real now than getting real LaTErS! And my real self is sad when it has to stay in it's room while all the fakey selves ever created to hide behind and make people happy, get to go to the party. Fakey selves are the worst road maps in life...sure to get me lost.
3. Make eye contact...and hold it steady like when you have to drill a proper hole. Just hold it CHeWie! There's nothing more annoying than talking to someone with lazy eye (brain).
4. Remember at all times..."It's MY life and I'm showing up for it."
5. Monday: I'm getting a phone and camera and taking pictures and downloading them to this blog therapy site...
Hey...that Fakey Self triggered the following story:
Sina-Ella and the Gorilla
Sina-Ella was a sad soul whose heart had been broken and never really mended. Sina-Ella didn't know how to mend it...she had never been taught.
All day long she hauled and carried heavy loads back and forth at her job. All day long she coaxed and soothed disgruntled workers. All day long she put out fires and cleaned up messes, the leftovers of emotional drama for all her workmates. She smiled on the outside, but inside she was sad.
Sina-Ella couldn't spend much time there as she was always being called to do stuff and people didn't like it when she retreated there...it meant they weren't going to get much out of her. Since Sina-Ella had always been a people pleasing sort of girl...she avoided getting people disgruntled with her...it hurt too badly to even sense that someone was not pleased with her...she created FakeyGal just to keep them happy.
What did she get from this? What kept her doing this? It was the STORY. The SToRy Sina-Ella believed that she wasn't worth very much...that she owed so much...that she was imperfect and had made mistakes and those mistakes could never be healed and that ALL she could do forever was haul heavy loads and continue being lonely. Well people stayed off her case and she didn't have all those emotional nerves firing away at her causing her all kinds of distress. As being FakeyGal worked in the sense that people stopped yelling at her, Sina-Ella fell into a carb induced coma and Fakeygal took over Sina-Ella's life.
Fakeygal turned out to be an emotional gorilla. She stomped thru life with a bone crushing power. She completely cut out all feminine touches as they were soft and weak and created a daily grind of work and more work.
FakeyGal knew the body she was pushing had a broken heart, but who needed a heart to please people? FakeyGal was an emotional Dahlek (reference Dr Who a race of run amok brains without legs who had created indestructible robot shells to EXTERMINATE all life) with no agenda other than EXTERMINATE all emotional life!
One night there was a Valentine's Dance...something incredible happened...at the dance...as FakeyGal was going thru her usual spiel for social events that she had been dragged to...an ordinary garden variety boy was nothing more than polite to Sina-Ella and the real Sina-Ella woke up. It wasn't easy...but Sina-Ella sent FakeyGal away for awhile and smiled sweetly as she began to enjoy the feminine emotions of being tender and kind and smart.
(well he looked like Liam Neeson in the dim light)And maybe here is the answer to Sina-Ella's situation: SPEND MORE TIME IN THE BEAUTIFUL GARDEN that is your true self! The gorilla has not disappeared and will return if Sina-Ella chooses not to show up for her life.
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